But then there is the part of me that wonders..."Am I just overreacting? Am I wrong?". I almost always, no, I always answer this question with a yes. I let everything go and just say"nah its okay" or "Im just being stupid". I wonder, is this happening again? Am I wrong? From the bottom of my heart and gut, I do not think I am wrong. I should stand up to this and I shouldn't have just let that go. Others have said that to me as well. I am just praying I did the right thing.
As I was writing, I saw pictures of Maddy and I from a photo booth, and it just brought back all those feelings. I will be honest, I was and probably still am completely in love with her. Every time I see something of her, it hurts tremendously. Most people would say, "its just young love, you are not really in love with her." But I am. I would do anything for her. I was prepared to give her a promise ring because I wanted her to be there by my side forever. But it released the naivity in me. That is why I let so many things go. I loved her so much I was naive to all the hurt she was causing me. I didn't realize this until I was laying on my couch, depressed to the point I couldn't respond to my parents. The pain was too much to take. I considered hurting myself on many occasions, thats how much I was hurting. It took so much for me to stand up to those hurting me. I needed to get them out of my life before something occurred. It was necessary for my own health.
So I guess this leads to my point about alcohol. It destroys lives and relationships. What annoys me most about it is people drink just because. Most people hate the taste of alcohol, yet they drink just to get drunk. It is so idiotic. Are you so bored with your life that you have to put yourself and others at risk. I may just not understand but I find the whole concept of getting drunk to get drunk moronic. At least for me, it led to my fall and eventually rising up as a person.
Today, as I write, I am slowly healing. I am looking forward to college and am slowly trying to get past these horrific events. It is a good thing they occurred. It has made me a better person. I am more willing to stick to my morals and beliefs and stand up for what is right or wrong. I am more self-confident and a stronger human being. Things can only go up from where I was, and I believe because of all that has happened to me this summer, I am bound to have a thrilling freshman year of college, that does not include partying and drinking like my other freshman counterparts.
Mrs. Burnett, if you read this, sorry if I wasted your time. If I didn't I hope you understand my situation. By the way sorry for never writing that last essay. But on the bright side I got a 3 and college credit for the AP exam, which I deemed impossible at the beginning of the school year, so we should both be proud of my progress in understanding literature. Also, Jake thanks for making me do this, it helped and I may write more blogs because of it. Thanks for your complete bluntness over the years.
Till next time,
~Josh
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