But then there is the part of me that wonders..."Am I just overreacting? Am I wrong?". I almost always, no, I always answer this question with a yes. I let everything go and just say"nah its okay" or "Im just being stupid". I wonder, is this happening again? Am I wrong? From the bottom of my heart and gut, I do not think I am wrong. I should stand up to this and I shouldn't have just let that go. Others have said that to me as well. I am just praying I did the right thing.
As I was writing, I saw pictures of Maddy and I from a photo booth, and it just brought back all those feelings. I will be honest, I was and probably still am completely in love with her. Every time I see something of her, it hurts tremendously. Most people would say, "its just young love, you are not really in love with her." But I am. I would do anything for her. I was prepared to give her a promise ring because I wanted her to be there by my side forever. But it released the naivity in me. That is why I let so many things go. I loved her so much I was naive to all the hurt she was causing me. I didn't realize this until I was laying on my couch, depressed to the point I couldn't respond to my parents. The pain was too much to take. I considered hurting myself on many occasions, thats how much I was hurting. It took so much for me to stand up to those hurting me. I needed to get them out of my life before something occurred. It was necessary for my own health.
So I guess this leads to my point about alcohol. It destroys lives and relationships. What annoys me most about it is people drink just because. Most people hate the taste of alcohol, yet they drink just to get drunk. It is so idiotic. Are you so bored with your life that you have to put yourself and others at risk. I may just not understand but I find the whole concept of getting drunk to get drunk moronic. At least for me, it led to my fall and eventually rising up as a person.
Today, as I write, I am slowly healing. I am looking forward to college and am slowly trying to get past these horrific events. It is a good thing they occurred. It has made me a better person. I am more willing to stick to my morals and beliefs and stand up for what is right or wrong. I am more self-confident and a stronger human being. Things can only go up from where I was, and I believe because of all that has happened to me this summer, I am bound to have a thrilling freshman year of college, that does not include partying and drinking like my other freshman counterparts.
Mrs. Burnett, if you read this, sorry if I wasted your time. If I didn't I hope you understand my situation. By the way sorry for never writing that last essay. But on the bright side I got a 3 and college credit for the AP exam, which I deemed impossible at the beginning of the school year, so we should both be proud of my progress in understanding literature. Also, Jake thanks for making me do this, it helped and I may write more blogs because of it. Thanks for your complete bluntness over the years.
Till next time,
~Josh
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Venting my Frustration
If you are reading this, hello Mrs. Burnett. You can completely ignore this post if you would like, but are more than happy to read it as well if you want. Jake Gregan(I'm sure you remember him and all his weird ideas and awesome blog posts) put me up to this, as he says it is a great way to vent and make yourself feel better. So because of that, this post is going to be me letting out on society and what they do in there free time.
This summer has not been the kindest to me. I broke up with my girlfriend, lost my best friend, and everyone is leaving for college while I am stuck here in Oxford. Of course I am still going to college at the University of Delaware(Go Blue Hens), but I will still be here in Oxford while just about everyone else I know is going out on their own. Its not necessarily a bad thing, as I have my family here to support me, but I still kind of wish I had the chance to be on my own and explore the world as an adult. Hopefully I can get my own apartment junior year and the decision to commute will be best for me.
Anyways I am here not to vent about the college situation, but everything else that has happened. Everything that has happened has caused a great change in me. Just a few months ago, I hated the idea of everyoone leaving and was scared to death about going to college. However, now I am glad everyone is leaving, can't wait for everyone to be gone, and wish college was starting tomorrow.
The one thing that I have learned this summer is that I absolutely hate alcohol. Now, I'm sure you're thinking, I must've drank it before and had a bad experience. The thing is I have never had one drop of alcohol in my situation. Not one. So how can I hate it then? It has ruined most of the great relationships I had in high school(Excpet between Jake and I, we are still going strong).
June 28th 2015. This was the day my last summer before college turned into a nightmare. I was at a graduation party on the 27th. I was with my best friends and my then girlfriend. We were told by the party hosts that nobody would be sleeping over and that we all had to be home by 11. Because of this, I went home that night to my bed. The following night, I found out what really went down. After I left, my girlfriend, two best friends, and another girl decided to play beer pong. The two girls got massively drunk, jumped into a pool, and contemplated stripping down for my two friends. Thankfully they didnt, and got help in getting to bed that night. I was sent home, only for my girlfriend and two best friends to get drunk together. I cant even imagine doing something without the girl I loved of that magnitude. And it gets worse. They all decided to LIE to me about it. They all agreed that it'd be for the best because they knew how mad I'd get about it(well duh). My girlfriend would tell me two nights later what went down...at 1 in the morning...over text....When she told me what happened, I instantly got sick. I almost vomitted to know the girl I loved and the two people I considered my brothers would purposely lie to me in order to get me out of the house so they could get drunk. Dang I hate alcohol, I hate it so much. She would go on to tell me that I can trust her and that getting drunk is okay. That no matter how drunk you are you can control what you are doing. THATS A MASSIVE LOAD OF BS. It is not okay to get drunk with other guys and just think nothing will ever happen. That no matter how much you drink, you are in control. It is a known fact that you become disoriented and off when u are drunk. And even worse, she drove a car while still drunk to get to work. She could have not only hurt or killed herself, but killed another innocent person, or even family. I could never, and still cannot get over what they did to me. It was the leadiing cause of our break up. If she is gonna get drunk without me here, and lie about it, whats gonna happen at college? She says she wants to continue partying and getting drunk at college. So Im just supposed to be alright with the fact that she'll most likely get so drunk that she'll sleep with other guys, and most likely not tell me about it? It's just mind blowing I was supposed to take this and be okay with it. Because if I am supposed to just take this and not say what I thought of it, then that means I can literally never speak my mind.
All these thoughts led me to break up with her. I could not take the fact she had complete control over me and that I was supposed to just let her do whatever she wants and not say a word about it. That is not a healthy relationship. All this, plus all the subtweets of me, revenge selfies, trashing me to her friends and showing up places with other guys just to spite me?(Yes Jake you were only invited so they could make me miserable, came out of Jen's mouth) helped me realize that this is the right thing for me. I'm 18 years old. I am a great guy, kind, caring, smart, and more. I should not be controlled by someone who doesnt appreciate me, my beliefs and make me happy.
This summer has not been the kindest to me. I broke up with my girlfriend, lost my best friend, and everyone is leaving for college while I am stuck here in Oxford. Of course I am still going to college at the University of Delaware(Go Blue Hens), but I will still be here in Oxford while just about everyone else I know is going out on their own. Its not necessarily a bad thing, as I have my family here to support me, but I still kind of wish I had the chance to be on my own and explore the world as an adult. Hopefully I can get my own apartment junior year and the decision to commute will be best for me.
Anyways I am here not to vent about the college situation, but everything else that has happened. Everything that has happened has caused a great change in me. Just a few months ago, I hated the idea of everyoone leaving and was scared to death about going to college. However, now I am glad everyone is leaving, can't wait for everyone to be gone, and wish college was starting tomorrow.
The one thing that I have learned this summer is that I absolutely hate alcohol. Now, I'm sure you're thinking, I must've drank it before and had a bad experience. The thing is I have never had one drop of alcohol in my situation. Not one. So how can I hate it then? It has ruined most of the great relationships I had in high school(Excpet between Jake and I, we are still going strong).
June 28th 2015. This was the day my last summer before college turned into a nightmare. I was at a graduation party on the 27th. I was with my best friends and my then girlfriend. We were told by the party hosts that nobody would be sleeping over and that we all had to be home by 11. Because of this, I went home that night to my bed. The following night, I found out what really went down. After I left, my girlfriend, two best friends, and another girl decided to play beer pong. The two girls got massively drunk, jumped into a pool, and contemplated stripping down for my two friends. Thankfully they didnt, and got help in getting to bed that night. I was sent home, only for my girlfriend and two best friends to get drunk together. I cant even imagine doing something without the girl I loved of that magnitude. And it gets worse. They all decided to LIE to me about it. They all agreed that it'd be for the best because they knew how mad I'd get about it(well duh). My girlfriend would tell me two nights later what went down...at 1 in the morning...over text....When she told me what happened, I instantly got sick. I almost vomitted to know the girl I loved and the two people I considered my brothers would purposely lie to me in order to get me out of the house so they could get drunk. Dang I hate alcohol, I hate it so much. She would go on to tell me that I can trust her and that getting drunk is okay. That no matter how drunk you are you can control what you are doing. THATS A MASSIVE LOAD OF BS. It is not okay to get drunk with other guys and just think nothing will ever happen. That no matter how much you drink, you are in control. It is a known fact that you become disoriented and off when u are drunk. And even worse, she drove a car while still drunk to get to work. She could have not only hurt or killed herself, but killed another innocent person, or even family. I could never, and still cannot get over what they did to me. It was the leadiing cause of our break up. If she is gonna get drunk without me here, and lie about it, whats gonna happen at college? She says she wants to continue partying and getting drunk at college. So Im just supposed to be alright with the fact that she'll most likely get so drunk that she'll sleep with other guys, and most likely not tell me about it? It's just mind blowing I was supposed to take this and be okay with it. Because if I am supposed to just take this and not say what I thought of it, then that means I can literally never speak my mind.
All these thoughts led me to break up with her. I could not take the fact she had complete control over me and that I was supposed to just let her do whatever she wants and not say a word about it. That is not a healthy relationship. All this, plus all the subtweets of me, revenge selfies, trashing me to her friends and showing up places with other guys just to spite me?(Yes Jake you were only invited so they could make me miserable, came out of Jen's mouth) helped me realize that this is the right thing for me. I'm 18 years old. I am a great guy, kind, caring, smart, and more. I should not be controlled by someone who doesnt appreciate me, my beliefs and make me happy.
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